Where were you when the world stopped turning
by DarkAngel19881
Summary: Sam leaves after a terrible fight with his family. They let him go unaware of the consequences of that action. Will Sam survive and if he does will he ever forgive them? LIMP Sam
1. Chapter 1

Where were you when the world stopped turning?

Chapter one

Sam Winchester stared blankly trying to process the cruel words coming from his father's mouth. He should have known that Dean would find his scholarship info and give it to their dad. Sam should have known neither would be happy with his family with his achievements, they never had been before why expect them to change now. Sam and Dean had always been close but lately Sam had taken to hiding things from his brother because Sam had known Dean wouldn't like what Sam was planning. Sam hadn't thought that planning one's future was a criminal act but from the way his family was reacting it might as well have been. Sam wanted his father to be proud of the fact that Sam had gotten a full scholarship to New York University, he should have known that wouldn't happen. Sam could only wish that Dean hadn't found out about it as soon as he had.

"Just when were you going to tell us Sammy?" Dean asked, his voice indicating that he believed that Sam had betrayed them.

"Soon." Sam mumbled trying to ignore the harsh laugh that came from his father. He had intended on telling them but not for a while yet. Sam had known that they wouldn't like it but it was past time that Sam done something for himself. He didn't want to be a hunter of the supernatural for the rest of his life. If he didn't do anything now he wouldn't have a future. Why didn't his family understand that Sam wasn't like them, nor would he ever be. Sam deserved a life of his own choosing after the years he had already spent on the road hunting and saving people.

Dean shakes his head and glares at Sam. He'd had a feeling that Sam hadn't stopped thinking about going to college even if he had stopped talking about it. He should have known that Sam was hiding something from him, he should have also known that that something had been about college. Dean knew that Sam dreamed of something more than hunting, but Sam didn't understand that Dean and John needed Sam to stay with them. After all Sam didn't know the things that Dean and John knew about Sam's possible future.

"Who even gave you permission to apply?" John Winchester snaps at Sam, causing Sam to shrink away from him before mumbling.

"I didn't need anyone's permission because I knew you wouldn't give it. Besides its past time I start thinking about what's best for me."

"Do you know how selfish that sounds?" Dean asks feeling more desperate by the second. He couldn't explain to Sam why they needed him to stay.

"How is planning for my future being selfish?" Sam demanded tears shining in his eyes. Sam had spent his entire life protecting others from the things they had no clue about. It was past time for him to set out on his own.

"It's selfish because as usual you are only thinking of yourself." John snaps "Your not thinking of the people we need to protect. So no, you won't be going to New York if I have to tie you down."

Sam glares at John. He should have known John would try to forbid him to leave. Sam wished then that he had hidden the paperwork better. He should have known that Dean would get suspicious and go looking for answers.

"You can't stop me from leaving." Sam growls, glaring at Dean. If Dean hadn't been nosy then they wouldn't be doing this right now. "I am a legal adult, you can't keep me here."

"Want to bet?" John asks in a voice so cold that both Dean and Sam shiver.  
"Watch me." John grabs the papers from Dean's hands and pulls a lighter out of his pocket. Flicking the lighter John set the flame to paper and watched it turn to ash. Sam stood frozen in place as Dean and John walked out the door.

Tears fill Sam's eyes as he watches his dreams go up in smoke. John was wrong in thinking that Sam would never leave him after he tried to destroy Sam's dreams. Sam still had a flight to catch and Sam was sure that if he explained his situation to the Dean something could be worked out. Turning Sam heads into his bedroom, and starts pulling close out of drawers and sticking them in his backpack. His best opportunity to leave was while Dean and John were gone. They wouldn't expect him to leave but Sam couldn't do this anymore. After making sure his clothes were in his bag, Sam reached out and grabbed his flight info, quickly memorizing it. He would be on American Airlines, Flight 11 leaving from Boston. Sam bet he could get on an earlier flight now that he'd had the blowout with his family. He didn't think they would want to be around them anymore.

"You're still planning on leaving?" Sam heard his brother from the doorway.

"I know you don't get it, but this is something I need to do for myself." Sam answers.

"Never mind that you are completely abandoning your family." Dean snaps.

"I'm not abandoning you." Sam starts.

"No, you're just being completely self indulgent and not caring about anyone but yourself."

"That's not true" Sam protested though he was starting to wonder if it wasn't true.

"If you leave here you are dead to me." Dean says coldly knowing that his words would cause Sam pain. Sure enough Dean could see the hurt shining brightly and he had to force himself to stay strong, because he didn't like hurting his brother. He only wanted to protect him. "I mean it, Sam, if you leave you better never call me again even if you are dying from cancer. You might as well not even be a Winchester anymore."

"So be it." came the crushed reply from Sam who walks past Dean without looking at him. His whole body giving Dean the signs to how much Dean's words had hurt him...no more like destroyed him. Sam walks away with his backpack on one shoulder and as he passes the garbage, Deans sees something fall from Sam's hand.

"Damn it" Dean shouts as slams his fist into the wall. Tears shining in his eyes. Dean hadn't intended to hurt Sam he had only wanted to make his brother stay, instead he had driven him away. Dean had just lost his brother.

 **TBC?**

 **Thanks for reading, and reviewing. I hope you enjoy. Let me know if you want more.**


	2. Chapter 2

Where were you when the world stopped turning

Chapter 2

As Sam boarded the plane, a few short hours later, he couldn't help but think about Dean's harsh words. Could he give up the future he needed for his family? It wasn't fair to ask that of him, he shouldn't have to give anything up. Sam and Dean had both sacrificed more than any kid should have had to growing up. It wasn't right of his father to keep asking Sam to give more than he had, he didn't want to hunt anymore, he just wanted to be normal. There was nothing wrong with that.

Sighing, Sam couldn't help but wonder if his future was worth losing his family over. Sam and Dean had always been close, and Sam couldn't imagine not talking to him ever again. Sam didn't like the way things had ended with Dean, one would think that Dean would have been the most supportive but nope Dean had acted like he had hated Sam as much as their father had. Sam had to get away from the hunting lifestyle, he just wished his family could understand why. The nightmares that Sam had nightly were often of Dean or John getting killed and Sam being unable to do anything about it. Sam couldn't explain how tired he was of seeing the same thing night after night. He had tried explaining to Dean and John but neither had exactly been willing to listen, instead telling him that he would get over it in time, and that nothing would happen to them because they were good at their jobs.

The blowout between the three Winchesters had been coming for a long time, and Sam had known there had been no way he could put it off. He just had to hope that he could stay strong and get through it. His dreams were worth fighting for, even if his family didn't understand that. Sam's stress and frustration had been eating at Sam for so long that Sam couldn't remember the last time he had been truly happy. Which was sad because everyone deserved to be happy, which was something John Winchester didn't seem to understand or even care about.

Sam sighed again and looked out the plane window, he wished he would see the black impala come screeching around the corner to stop Sam from making this decision but he knew that wouldn't happen. His original flight had been September 11th at eight in the morning, but luckily for him he had been able to get the flight moved to September 9th .

" _If you walk out that door, you are dead to me."_ Dean's harsh words continue ringing in Sam's memory causing tears to well up in Sam's eyes. Dean and Sam had always been close, the best of friends. Now Sam feared he would never speak to his older brother again. Sam swallowed hard and tried to force his thoughts in another direction. Nothing good could come from thinking about his brother. Sam should have been looking forward to going to school and being free from hunting.

"I'm sorry Dean, but I had to get out." Sam whispers knowing that no one would hear him anyway. Closing his eyes, Sam leans his head back against the headrest and prays for peace to come for the decision he was making. He was in for a long flight, he would have plenty of time to decided whether or not he was making the right choice.

The next few days after Sam had left, Dean spent being drunker than he had ever been. He missed his little brother more than he had thought possible, but slowly the pain was turning to anger so hot that it felt like hatred. Dean had never thought that he could hate Sam but he was starting to realize that he could very well hate his own little brother.

After Sam had left, Dean had dug Sam's flight info out of the trash can, he wasn't sure why but he felt like it was important. Just because Sam could turn his back on his family, it didn't mean that Dean would turn his back on Sam. Despite the fact that Dean had told Sam that if he walked out the door then he would be dead to Dean.

"What are we going to do?" Dean asks as he sat down at the table beside the hotel window. John continued reading the newspaper a moment before replying to Dean.

"Forget about him." John answered gruffly "He's proved that his family doesn't mean anything to him. Like you told him he is dead to us." Dean found it hard to believe that John could completely disown his own son, it wasn't like John couldn't feel Sam's absence. Dean felt it deeply even if he was angry with Sam.

"And what if the demon was right and Sam goes dark side?" Dean asks knowing full well that he would not like John's answer.

"If that happens" John replies coldly "We hunt him down and kill him." Dean knew it wouldn't be that easy. Sam was still blood, still a Winchester even if they didn't claim him.

 _You better hope you can stay ahead of dad if you want to stay alive Sammy_ Dean thought darkly. Little did they know that in few days something would happen that would make both John and Dean deeply regret the last words that they had spoken to Sam. Something that would change the history of America.

Six hours later, Sam's plane landed in New York. He still couldn't get the look in Dean's eyes out of his head. It looked for a moment as if Dean had hated him for wanting a better life. That look had hurt Sam just as much as the words that Dean uttered just a few seconds later. Why couldn't anyone understand that Sam had to get away from the life that was killing him. Sam couldn't handle the hunting anymore, it was starting to get even more dangerous as of late. Sam thought that he deserved to choose the kind of life he wanted, John didn't seem to agree, he thought that Sam would be a good little soldier and follow him until the day he died. It wasn't fair of John to ask Sam to be miserable for the rest of his life.

Sam shook his head to clear his thoughts. John and Dean would have to learn to hunt without him. He was sure the next few months wouldn't be easy for any of them, especially Sam since he had always been around his family.

Sam blinked back tears again, he was already missing Dean and had already forgiven him for saying the words that Sam knew would continue to hurt him for a long time. The ache in Sam's chest hurt so much it almost felt physical. Sam knew though that his choice had been made and he couldn't go back and undo it.

Grabbing his bag from the overhead compartment, Sam made his way off of the plane. Looking around him, he closed his eyes for a moment taking in all the noise of other planes and passengers swirling around him. Living in the city would take some getting used to but he would do it, he would prove to his family that he could be successful outside of the family business. Opening his eyes, Sam decided the first thing he needed to do was find a hotel, and then maybe tomorrow he could see what could be done about the scholarship situation. That wouldn't be so bad to deal with if the college didn't require the letter that stated his scholarship information, the letter that John had burned in front of him. Sam wondered for a moment if his college dreams really had gone up in smoke.

Finding a hotel turned out to be easy, after it was paid for and Sam had made his way into the room. He walked over to the window, looking out at his surroundings. The World Trade Center was literally right there in front of him, Sam couldn't help but be in awe of the building as tall as it was. People were walking the streets, talking on their cell phones or listening to music, generally just ignoring the sights and sounds around them. Sam wondered briefly if any of them believed in the supernatural. He almost laughed out loud, he couldn't even get away from thinking about hunting. Turning from the window, Sam walked over to his bed and flopped down. He was tired after flying all day, but he still had so much to do. He needed to find another job, see what could be done about his scholarship, if anything. Closing his eyes, Sam decided those things could wait until tomorrow. He needed his rest.

The next few days passed in a blur, Sam had found out that there was no sign of a Sam Winchester having ever even receiving a scholarship, which frustrated Sam to no end because of his father having burned the letter he couldn't prove it.

"If you would look in your computer you should find my name in there somewhere. I applied for and received a full scholarship to NYU." Sam tried explaining.

"Sure," the lady scoffs "you and about a million other people have won scholarships. We have absolutely no record of Sam Winchester in the system, nor of any Sam Winchester even applying to this school. Now if you don't leave the premises immediately, I will have security remove you from the premises." Sam wondered if Dean and their father had something to with him not being in the system. Sam wouldn't put it past either of them to have hacked into the system to erase any evidence of Sam being there.

As Sam turned and exited the building, his put his hand in his pocket and fingered his phone. He wanted to know if his family had blacklisted him from the university, anger fills him at the thought and he tightens his grip on his phone.

Sam made his way back to his hotel wondering how long it would take to reapply. He didn't think he would be able to attend this semester, but maybe by next semester he would have a plan. Dean and John may have thought they had stopped Sam but Sam was determined he was going to get the life he deserved. Even if he had to work from the bottom to do it. Sam had just walked past the World Trade Center when he saw a sign saying: Now hiring security guards. Sam turned and walked in, knowing his hunting experience would help him get the job.

Thirty minutes later Sam was back at his hotel, and he had a job he would be starting early the next morning. Sam couldn't help but feel a little proud of himself because despite what his family had tried to do, he still felt like he had come out ahead. He hated the way things had ended with his family, but Sam had rights, he was a legal adult he didn't have to die young, like most hunters did. What Sam didn't know was that the first day of work for him had a very high possibility of being his last day of work, ever.

The morning of September 11th found Dean and John just returning to the hotel after a long, exhausting werewolf hunt, neither knowing the events that would take place in just a few short hours.

"Are you sure you have no injuries?" John asks Dean, knowing that Dean had gotten tossed around a bit.

"I can assure you I am fine." Dean replies, distractedly his mind on his little brother. He wondered when Sam would discover that John had completely erased Sam's presence at NYU. After John had destroyed Sam's records and any chance he had at attending NYU, Dean had felt bad. Knowing that his little brother deserved the life he was trying to live. Yes, Dean was still angry that Sam had walked out, and yes Dean had told Sam that he was dead to them. He still felt like Sam had abandoned them, Dean couldn't help but wonder where Sam's plane was now, not knowing that Sam had caught an earlier flight.

John disappeared into the shower a few minutes later, leaving Dean to shuffle through the channels on TV. No matter what channel Dean turned to however, it was showing the same thing that a plane had smashed into the trade center. Dean stopped and watched, wondering what had happened to make the plane crash into the building. It wasn't until the flight number started floating across the screen, that Dean felt a wave of fear hit him. It was American Airlines Flight 11, Dean was certain that was the plane that Sam had left on. Dean couldn't tear his gaze away from the screen bringing the news about no possible survivors on board, not at the height that the plane had hit the building.

"Dad" Dean yelled, finding his voice after several minutes of silence.

"What is it?" John called out, rushing out of the bathroom in only a towel. Dean pointed at the screen, John frowned, watching for a few moments. He was sorry about the lives lost but he didn't know what Dean wanted him to do about it.

"It was Sam's plane that crashed into the building."

 **Thank you for reading and Reviewing! Hope you enjoy! Liz**

 **PS. Don't hate me too much for leaving it here.**


	3. Chapter 3

Where were You When The World Stopped Turning

Chapter 3

Dean could only stare in horror at the TV screen. It couldn't be true, his little brother couldn't be gone. Not after the last words Dean had spoken to him. Agony filled his heart, knowing he would never again be able to make it up to Sam.

"We have to go and find him" Dean heard himself saying "we have to bring him back."

"At this point, if he was on that plane. There won't be anything to bring back." John said, his voice belying the shock that he felt. He couldn't believe that his youngest son was gone. Like Dean, John had the strongest urge to go and get Sam's body so he could have a hunter's burial. John shook his head he shouldn't even be thinking about having any kind of burial for his youngest. Anger burned hot through John's veins, he wanted to bring whoever had been flying the plane back so that he could kill them himself for not taking care of the passengers on the plane.

"Pack your bags" John said abruptly "we are going to New York. I am sure they will need volunteers to help search." Even then as John and Dean watched, The North Tower collapsed. Dean shook his head, he still couldn't believe this was happening. It was scary to think that one minute you were on this earth and the next you weren't. Wherever Sam was now, Dean hoped he hadn't suffered. He couldn't stand the thought of Sam having died in pain. It tore his heart to pieces thinking about it, after everything Sam had gone through in his young life, he deserved an easy death. Dean swallowed hard, before pushing himself away from the table. If they were going to get into New York anytime soon, they would have to leave quickly, Dean couldn't grieve for his little brother right now, there would be time for that later. Making his way down the hall, Dean entered his room if it could have even been called that. It was about as a small as a closet. Leaving, barely room for the twin sized bed. Grabbing his bag, Dean proceeded to throw his clothes in the bag, not caring how the went in. The only thing that mattered was getting to Sam, even if there was nothing left of him to bring home. Dean wished more than anything that he had been there to protect Sam, it was his job as an older brother to protect the younger one, and in that Dean had failed miserably. He had left Sam walk out the door thinking that Dean hated him. What kind of brother did that make him? Dean thought as he stared glumly at the floor. Tears filled his eyes as he remembered the pained look in Sam's eyes, Sam had truly believed that Dean hated him for wanting a better life.

"Get a move on it, Dean" John's voice interrupted Dean's self-flagellation, Dean shook his head clearing his thoughts, he grabbed his bag, and walked out the door not looking back. Within five minutes Dean and John were both in the Impala driving towards an unknown future. Their minds both on Sam and the things that had been said before he had left.

A Few hours previous

Sam had woken up in his bed, staring up at the ceiling, it was strange to wake up in a place where Dean and their father were not. Sam missed both of them terribly but he knew that he had made the right choice for himself. Everyone deserve a future, and Sam didn't need to be a genius to know that hunting had no future for him. He hated hurting his family, but he had allowed them to make his decisions for him for more than long enough.

Sitting up, Sam glanced at the bedside clock, it read 6:30. Sam had to report to the North Tower at 7:30. Getting up, Sam stretched his stiff muscles, the motel bed wasn't the most comfortable, but considering some of the places Sam had slept in, he figured he couldn't complain.

It took Sam thirty minutes to get ready and then he headed out the door, not knowing that today would possibly be his last on Earth. Since Sam had already claimed experience on the job application, he would be skipping the training and just shadowing the security guard until he was comfortable with his duties.

Once he arrived at the North Towered, Sam made his way over to the security desk, where he clocked in.

"I guess you are the new hire. My name is Jacob Thomas." he held out his hand and Sam shook it before introducing himself.

"Sam Winchester." Sam said, "how long have you worked here?" the man looked to be a few years older than Dean.

"Going on 11 years now" Jacob replied "Started when I was eighteen." Sam done the math in his head, that made him a little older than Dean. There was something about the man's personality that made him think of Dean. Sam's chest ached at the thought of his older brother. Sam still couldn't believe that Dean had told him that Sam was dead to him.

"You're a little young to have much experience in this area?" Jacob mentioned.

"My father was a security guard, and I shadowed him quite a bit. Things used to get pretty rough where he worked before and I was around a lot. He taught me how to deal with tough situations." Sam explained, "most don't care how I got my experience just that I have it."

"You don't want to stay in this line of work though do you? You look like a smart man, surely you could have gone to college."

"College was the reason I moved to New York" Sam said "but something happened and they have no record of me in their system, despite the fact that I applied earlier in the year. So until I can reapply, I might as well work."

"That sucks" Jacob said "you would think that they would be able to keep better track of their files."

"I think my brother might have helped them lose it." Sam said "My brother and father weren't happy with me wanting to leave."

"They should have been happy that you wanted to attend college, so many your age don't want to."

Sam found that he liked Jacob, he had the same weird, funny personality that Dean had, and though that also made Sam miss Dean. It also helped Sam with being away from his family for the first time. Sam found his first day flying by, until about 11 when he heard a loud boom, as he was heading up the stairs to do a security check on another floor. Sam glanced at Jacob, whatever that noise had been, it hadn't sounded good. Without Jacob having to say anything, Sam and Jacob hurried up the stairs sensing there was something serious going, and the closer Sam and Jacob got, the more d they smelled, people were beginning to rush down the stairs.

"A plane crashed into the side of the building" someone explained as they rushed past Sam and Jacob. They glanced at each other, there had to be some way that they could help.

"You help the injured down the stairs" Sam instructed Jacob, sensing the other man's panic. It was clear that the older man had never dealt with something like this before. Neither had Sam, but Sam had hunting experience where he had helped clear out people after a hunt had done wrong. Sam turned his back to Jacob and rushed into the room. There were many injured but there were even more dead. Sam felt sick to his stomach at the sight before him. How could he even help them? There were so many and only one of him.

Sam felt like he had been blinded by panic, how could he have been so confident with sending Jacob down stairs, Sam had thought he could deal with this situation but he didn't think he could. Even with all of his father's training, Sam had never been prepared for something on this scale. There was no way that Sam could save everyone but that didn't mean he wasn't going to try. With his mind made up, Sam began moving as many injured into the hall as possible. Sam struggled to ignore the cries for help, his heart aching knowing that some that were still alive would still probably die on this floor. Sam ignored the blood on his hands as he helped someone else out into the hall, Jacob helped the injured down stairs.

"Help is on the way, Sam" he said "we just have to keep going and get as many as we can out." Sam nodded and turned back to someone else. He wasn't sure of what had happened, but it was sad that so many had lost their lives, many more would die before this was over.

As Sam started down the stairs, he heard a loud groaning, and looking up he saw steel beams rushing towards him and Jacob, shoving Jacob out of the way, Sam cried out in pain as the beam hit him square on the back and he landed on the hard concrete staircase. Sam's head landed hard on the floor, a sickening thump sounding as he lost consciousness, he thought he heard Jacob's voice shouting for him.

John and Dean made quick time to New York, they fought the traffic. Their radio station turned to the news, Dean was nervously biting this fingernails. Thousands had been injured already, knowing that Sam was lost in there somewhere was making Dean sick to his stomach. His brother couldn't be lost to them, he had to still be alive. Still, knowing that Sam had been on that plane. Dean doubted that he had survived. No one could have.

"No one could have survived on that plane" Dean muttered to his father as they found a place to park the Impala and they started towards the Twin Towers.

"He might have" John said "We have to have hope that he got through somehow." but even as he said that they had reached the Twin Towers, not only had the North Tower collapsed but a second plane had hit the other tower, they watched in horror as it too collapsed, leaving a cloud of dust and grief surrounding the two buildings.

"Oh my god" Dean said as bile filled his throat at the sight, firemen were everywhere bodies that had been pulled out where lying on the ground. Dean turned and vomited on the ground. He hadn't expected it to be this bad, now he had the feeling that Sam hadn't survived.

John made his way over to the Firefighter that appeared to be in charge.

"My son was on that plane, is there anyway that he could have been pulled out."

"I'm sorry" The firefighter told John "but whoever was on that plane didn't survive in fact there is nothing left of them to even pull out. I'm sorry."

 **Thanks for reading. It might take me a couple weeks to get the next chapter up, my computer has decided its time to quite on me. Thanks again for the reviews (more reviews quicker updates) Liz**


	4. Chapter 4

Where were you when the world stopped turning

Chapter 4

Dean couldn't stop the flow of bile past his lips, as he heard the words the firefighter told his father. _There is nothing left of the passengers to pull out._ Sam was well and truly gone. Tears filled liquid on him. Dean felt like his heart was physically breaking inside his chest. He thought he had hurt when his mother died, that didn't compare to how he felt now. The pain was a thousand times worse than what Dean remembered. What made it even worse was knowing that he hadn't been able to save Sam from his fate, in fact Dean had practically dared him to leave, and had promised to hate him for as long as he was gone. That had not been fair to Sam. Closing his eyes, Dean tried to breathe through the agony tearing through him. He had told Sam that Sam was dead to him. How could he have done that? It wasn't fair to Sam, and it had been downright cruel of Dean to have said it. Dean didn't like the person that he was at the moment. He had pushed away the most important person to him, and in the next moment that person was gone forever.

"Sammy," Dean gasped, one hand raised and clutching at his chest. He wanted to scream, or get drunk find some way to get rid of the pain that he was feeling. "You can't be gone! You have to be here somewhere!" Dean felt his fathers hand on his back.

"He's gone Dean," John said numbly as if not believing the news himself. His youngest child was gone, it was hard to believe. When John had heard the news on the TV about the plane crashing into the Twin Towers, John hadn't really believed that Sam had been on that plane. But knowing that no survivors would be coming forth, hurt John in a way that Mary's death never had. Staring out at the devastation around them, John wondered what kind of evil had been responsible for this. Was it of the supernatural kind or just plain human evil. It made him to think that one man could be capable of planning something that could take so many innocent lives. It wasn't fair, but then nothing in John's life had ever been fair, if it had been Mary never would have died and neither would Sam, at least until their natural time on earth was over. There was nothing natural about dying at 18 years of age, John wondered how the other victims families would recover from this. He wasn't sure that he could. He was like Dean, he wanted to scream hoping that his youngest could hear him and come back. Sadly, John didn't have a voice that would reach beyond the living.

"It's not fair" Dean told his father, unable to look away from the carnage. "It's my fault that Sam was on that plane. If I haven't been such a dick maybe he wouldn't have gotten on, maybe he would have waited until a later date or something."

"It's too late to play what if now." John said "Sam's gone and he will never return. Let's go, I don't think we can do any good here." Dean swallowed hard, struggling to understand what he was seeing. How could someone be so evil to cause this much destruction. Dean didn't think that he would ever understand it. He didn't want to understand he just wanted his little brother back. He wanted to take back the words that had driven Sam away. Dean would forever regret saying those words, more than Sam would ever possibly know. Dean didn't want to leave, he wanted to bring what little there was left of Sam back to bury. But he knew that wouldn't happen, because the only thing left of the passengers was ash. Tears filled Dean's eyes at the thought of how scared Sam probably had been when he had realized that the plane had been taken over. Dean wondered if Sam had uttered an exorcism in the hopes that it would expel the evil on that plane.

"Sammy, I will forever regret not coming for you." Dean muttered as he turned away and followed his father away from the carnage. How was Dean supposed to continue hunting without his little brother, Dean had no desire to continue doing the job he had been trained to do since he was a child. He wanted nothing more than to find a place to be with his brother again, he had always needed Sam, and Dean had thought Sam had needed him. But it turned out that Sam didn't need anybody when he walked out the door.

"Come on Dean, it's best that we get on the road, I think maybe we will take a trip to Bobby's and lay low for a little while." John said as they reached the car.

"Doesn't feel right leaving Sam here." Dean muttered as he opened the door and slid into the passenger seat.

"You know as well as I do that Sam isn't really here anymore, not if what that firefighter said is true." John said upon getting in on the driver's side.

"It just doesn't really feel like he's truly gone." Dean said "It seems like if he was really gone I would feel it."

"I know"John admitted looking out of the windshield at the carnage in front of them. "It just hasn't really sunk in yet, that's why it doesn't feel like he is gone. Give it time, it will sink in." John knew he would have to be there for Dean when it did. Because he knew how hard Dean would take it. Sam had been his life, and now that Sam was gone. Dean wouldn't feel like he had much purpose. John wondered if he would even have time himself to grieve for what he had lost. Dean was right though, it didn't feel like Sammy was really gone. John didn't think it ever feel like his youngest child was gone.

"Sam!" Jacob yelled after watching his young friend disappear underneath a cloud of smoke and debris. Jacob had only just met the young man a few hours ago, but he already liked him. There was just something about the kid, something that told Jacob that Sam was lonely and he was hurting. Jacob knew that Sam had needed a friend and Jacob wanted to be that. He knew there was something that Sam wasn't telling him about his past, but he figured Sam would when he was good and ready.

Clearing his thoughts, Jacob heads towards the place he had seen Sam fall. He wouldn't leave Sam here, the kid's family deserved a body to bury if Sam died. He hoped the kid was still with them, but he wasn't sure how it would be possible. Jacob had seen the steel beam falling and if Sam was trapped underneath it. It would take some time to get him out of it.

"Sir, please step back" A firefighter says as he gently shoves Jacob away from the site.

"My friend is trapped in there. I need to get him out." Jacob protests knowing that it wouldn't do any good. They needed him out of the way so that they could get to the other people who were also trapped.

"If he is still alive, we will get to him but right now we have other people that need help too." The firefighter told him, Jacob frowned. He couldn't leave Sam here, they might never find him, besides, Sam had saved Jacob's life, he had to find Sam whether or not he was still alive was another story. He prayed that his friend was still here and could give them a sign somehow of where he was stuck.

"Hang on Sam, helps coming" Jacob muttered, still not believing that a plane had hit the building he had spent much of his life working. No one ever expected such a huge act of violence against the city they called home.

Sam lay barely conscious underneath the steel beam that held him pinned. He had long since lost feeling in his lower back, that made concerned that the beam had caused more injuries than he had expected. He prayed that someone found him quickly, he was scared and wanted his family, knowing that they had no way of knowing about his current situation. After what Dean had told him, he highly doubted that they would even care about the mess he had found himself in.

Sam moaned softly as he tried to shift into another position so that he could try and assess his own injuries. From what he could tell, he likely had a broken back, and that was if he was lucky, he felt like his legs had been crushed and he could no longer feel them, that could also be because of a back injury that Sam did not want to think about. His world would be over if he was paralyzed he would no longer be able to care for himself, and that was what bothered Sam the most, the loss of his independence. Shifting again, Sam stifled his cry of pain, his arm was most certainly broken along with a few ribs.

" _Hang on Sammy, help's coming! Just stay strong, don't give up on me."_ Sam heard his older brother's voice clear as a bell. _"I'll kick your ass if you even think about giving up on me."_

"Dean, I can't hold on. It hurts so bad" Sam cried unable to stop the tears in his eyes. "I need you, I can't hang on, it hurts too much."  
" _You stay with me Sammy, You hear me!"_ Dean's voice demanded _"Help is coming for you. So don't you dare give up now! Little brother, you are going to get through this alive, so keep fighting for me! I will find you."_

 _ **SO I thought that was a good place to stop. No Dean isn't really there with Sam, but Sam is imagining that he is. Dean is the reason Sam keeps fighting. Thanks for reading and reviewing! Liz**_


	5. Chapter 5

Where were you when the world stopped turning

Chapter 5

Sam closed his eyes, wondering if he was going crazy for hearing his older brother's voice. How many others in his situation were hearing their loved one's voices, encouraging them to keep fighting? As Sam lay there he wished he had never walked away from his family, his education wasn't worth losing his family over. Too bad it took something like this to make him realize it. Sam tried to turn again but the movement caused a shooting pain through his ribs and he cried out.

"I'm sorry Dean" Sam cried wishing more than anything he hadn't walked out. Maybe he deserved this for abandoning his family. One thing was certain if he ever got out of here, he would find his family and apologize. Even if they never forgave him, Sam had to make it up to them somehow. Sam closed his eyes, fighting to stay calm, panic never helped in any situation. The fight to breathe was what hurt the most, Sam knew he likely had a punctured lung and he wondered if he would even be found in time.

" _Don't you think like that Sammy, do you hear me? You will be coming out of this and you will be alive!"_ Dean's voice once again echoed in Sam's mind, causing him to blink back tears as he fought against the pain that was slowly starting to eat at his consciousness.

"I don't know how much longer, I can last" Sam muttered as he wondered what his brother was doing at that moment. Would Dean even care about what Sam was going through right now? Would he care that Sam was terrified that he would never get the chance to say goodbye to his brother, and father. Would either care that Sam was buried alive among the ruins of the Twin Towers. Sam moaned when he felt the steel above him shift sending sharp threads of pain throughout Sam's broken body. It was in that moment that Sam realized he would never see his family again, never laugh with his brother or even argue with his father. Sam realized no one even knew where to look for him and that he would likely die of internal injuries long before the rescue crew even found him.

"I'm sorry, Dean, for everything." Sam cried out as another wave of pain hit. "I don't think I am going to pull through this."

" _You're the strongest person I know Sammy, you better not quit now"_ Dean's voice demanded _"You just have to fight help is close by. You will come back to us!"_ Sam closed his eyes, finally losing consciousness, not hearing the rescuers moving above him. Not knowing that he was only moments away from rescue.

Sam,

I am writing this to you because the last words I ever told you were "If you walk out that door you are dead to me." Now you are really gone, you got on a plane that crashed into the Twin towers. You had no chance at survival, no chance to live the dreams you so desperately wanted to live. Sammy, we shouldn't have let you go like that, I never should have said what I said. Because, little brother, you could never be dead to me. I have spent most of my life protecting you. I will never forgive myself for telling you that, only to have you die a few short hours later. Every time I close my eyes, I dream of the terror you must have felt in your final moments. I can almost hear the screams of the other passengers that lost their lives that day as well.

I keep thinking that maybe if we had willingly let you go, then maybe this wouldn't have happened. We should have driven you Sammy, then you wouldn't have gotten on that plane and you would still be apart of our lives instead of being buried somewhere in the ashes of that building.

Dad's just as sorry as I am, Sam, he thinks he can hide his grief but I see it in his eyes, I hear it in his voice every time he speaks. He regrets so much, what makes it worse is that we can never make up for it. We will always carry our guilt with us. I will always carry your ghost with me because I will always see you doing the small things that you didn't think mattered. I was supposed to protect you, instead I am the reason your gone. I wish I could take back those words but they will always be buried as deep in me as you are in that building.

I find myself wanting to call you and talk to you and every time I go to pick up the phone, I remember you won't be on the other end. Nothing is the same anymore, and it won't ever be the same again. There are days I wish we could have found your body so that we could have given you a hunters funeral, but it wasn't possible, I never got the chance to say goodbye. Tell me Sam, how am I supposed to just grieve and move on when your memory haunts me every single day, every single moment. I see you when you are little depending and trusting that dad and I would take care of you. I remember you crawling into bed with me after having a nightmare after a hunt.

Still the more important memories of when I put itching powder in your boxers and it took you forever to figure out why you were itching so much. Those are the memories that hurt the most because I won't ever have the opportunity to make more of them. When will your death make sense? Because I don't think I will ever understand why you were taken. I will never understand why why I never had the chance to apologize for being a jerk. When in reality I should have been proud of what you had managed to accomplish while on the road. Getting into a school like NYU couldn't have been easy. Dad and I didn't exactly make it easy for you; I'm sorry Sammy,I can't begin to tell you how much it hurts knowing I will never get to see you again. I wish I could turn back time and not say what I did. Maybe then I could have found a better way of keeping you home with us. Yes, you deserved a normal life after the way we grew up, but there was so much that you didn't know. Things that Dad had only just begun to share with me. Sammy, if you had known what I did, you would have been terrified of leaving because you wouldn't have wanted that future. And Sam with your heart being as big and full of love as it was, I know you wouldn't have left. I hate that it would have ruined the future that you had wanted for yourself. If you had been anyone else you would have gotten the future that you wanted. I am truly sorry that things ended the way they did, with you thinking that we hated you. Which is so far from the truth, Dad and I were just scared of what the future held for you. We both knew that it wasn't a future you would have wanted.

We just wanted to protect you, Sammy, but of course you didn't understand that because we never told you what we knew. I hope that wherever you are now that you can forgive us and I can promise you that I will always carry your memory with me. I will always remember how you never liked being called Sammy. And how you always had to have some kind of girly coffee. Most of all I will always remember how much and easily you loved. How you always gave it your all to protect the ones you loved. I will hear your laughter when I think about the pranks we pulled on each other. I will cherish the time we had with you, it wasn't anywhere near long enough but I promise you will never be forgotten, we will carry you with us on every single hunt.

I'm sorry, Sammy

Dean

Tears filled Dean's eyes as he saw a laughing Sammy in his head. They had loved playing pranks on each other, now Sam was gone and Dean was so heartbroken he didn't believe he would ever get through it. No one expects one they love to die so suddenly or so violently but Sam did. And now only hours after Sam's death, Dean was wondering how he was supposed to move forward. He felt so guilty that it felt like he had a ten ton weight on his shoulders that he was expected to be able to carry. Dean and John had only left the Twin Towers a few hours ago before they stopped for the night. Dean sat on the hood of the impala staring up at the sky, no star could be seen because of the city lights, but still Dean could only imagine Sam now somewhere among the stars. Just thinking about how Sam must have felt made Dean want to scream, the grief felt like it would be more than Dean could bare. How did one move on from a tragedy like this? Dean didn't know if he could. He wanted to put a bullet in his favorite pistol and blow his brains out so that he could be with Sam again. He knew however that Sam wouldn't want that for him. Swallowing hard, Dean closed his eyes for a moment. His mind racing with memories of Sam as they grew up. He had spent most of his life protecting Sam. Now who was Dean supposed to protect? He had lived for Sam and now Dean just felt like there wasn't much purpose. Dean also knew that Sam wouldn't want him thinking like that. Still Dean had never imagine life without Sam, and now he was looking at an entire lifetime without his little brother by his side.

Jacob watched the firefighters working to free Sam, wishing that he could help, but with his injured shoulder he felt useless. He silently prayed that Sam was still alive. Sam had been trapped beneath the steel beams for going on 24 hours now. Jacob didn't have to be a doctor to know that Sam was running dangerously low on oxygen. Jacob wasn't sure what kind of injuries he would have but he was determined he would help Sam get through it. Running his uninjured hand through his shaggy black hair, Jacob couldn't help but worry about Sam's condition. Sam's body had likely been crushed, he would be very lucky if the young man wasn't paralyzed. Jacob hoped not.

"Hang on Sam." He muttered, while watching as the firefighters lifted the limp body from out of the ashes. The rescue crew had spent the last two hours trying to get the steel beam off of him. Jacob watched as they lowered Sam onto a stretcher and proceeded to place a neck brace on him, calling out statistics as they worked.

"Collapsed lung, with possible severe internal bleeding." one of the medics called out. Jacob closed his eyes, it would be a very close call for Sam if he made it to the hospital.

 **Thanks for reading and reviewing Liz**


	6. Chapter 6

Where were you when the world stopped turning

Chapter 6

Jacob watched as Sam was quickly loaded into the back of an ambulance, he had a bad feeling that his young friend wasn't going to make it. He hoped that wasn't the case but just from looking at his condition he didn't think there was much hope for the young man. Jacob prayed that he was wrong because in the short time that he had worked with Sam, he had really gotten to like him. Jacob closed his eyes, hoping with all that was in him that Sam had the strength to fight the battle that was sure to lay in front of him. As he watched the medics slam the door shut on the ambulance, he heard one of them say.

"This boy doesn't have a prayer of making it. Not with his internal injuries and the concussion. He will be very lucky that he even survived to be found." Jacob shook his head, he knew things were looking bleak for the young man, but he believed that Sam was strong enough to pull through.

"Hang on Sam, I know it's tough but I believe that you can make it." Jacob watched as the ambulance with Sam pulled away. Jacob wondered about Sam's family. The young man hadn't said much beyond the fact that they hadn't been happy with him wanting to go to college. They should know what Sam was facing at this moment, even if he didn't make it they should at least be able to bury him. What he didn't know was that Sam's family already believed him to be dead. Jacob hoped he would be able to find them, everyone deserved to have their family by their side.

Sighing, Jacob turned and got back to helping pull victims out of the wreckage. He was still having a hard time believing that a plane had flown into the towers. Looking up at the sky, he wondered how something like this could even happen. He was well aware that attacks like these happened every single day somewhere, but he wondered what made someone believe that a suicide attack would prove anything.

"Be with the families that have lost someone today, and be with those injured that haven't been found yet." Jacob prayed. Even as he worked his thoughts returned to the young Winchester. Jacob was worried and wasn't afraid to admit it. Sam had been trapped for close to twenty four hours. He couldn't imagine the pain that Sam must have been in. He couldn't stand the thought of Sam hurting.

Dean sat and stared out the window his thoughts once again drifting towards Sam. He still couldn't believe that his little brother was gone for good. He could still see Sam in the back of his mind, bent over a book researching for a hunt. Life was cruel to have taken such a brilliant young mind away from them. Sighing, Dean looked at the ground and shoved his hands into his pockets. He still hoped that deep down, Sam would somehow be pulled out of the wreckage of that building, Dean wasn't sure how it would be possible he just wished it could happen more than anything. The first thing he would do would be apologize for being a dick. He understood how Sam felt about hunting, after all that kind of life wasn't for everyone. Dean had just wanted to protect Sam, their father had told Dean about the demon blood. Dean couldn't help but wonder what the end game was for the demon. What use would Sam be to a powerful creature like that. Dean didn't really want to know, he just wanted to save Sam from it. One could never save a person from their own future however bleak it looks. Somewhere along the way, Dean's good intentions had taken a turn. His wanting to protect Sam turned into not wanting Sam to leave his family and that is where Dean went wrong. He should have fully supported Sam in whatever life the kid had wanted, and now that he was gone it was too late. Hindsight could be a pain in the butt.

"Sammy, it doesn't really feel like you're gone." Dean said, looking out the window once more. "It just feels like your thousands of miles away, and all it would take is a phone call to connect with you. I know that's not the case, but I don't think my heart understands that your gone." Dean shook his head, he didn't think he would ever be able to accept that Sam was just gone. He didn't want to accept it, but Dean knew that eventually he would have to come to terms with Sam's death before Dean could move forward with his life.

"Come on Dean" John said from across the room, "it's best that we hit the road now. There isn't anything else that we can do here."

"we could find Sam's body, and prove that he's dead." Dean suggested knowing his father wouldn't go for it. John truly believed that Sam was gone.

"Like that firefighter said if he was on that plane there is nothing left of him to find." John replied, his grief clear in his voice.

"What if he had been able to change his flight?" Dean asked "that's always possible, he would have had to catch a different flight in order for him to get to New York earlier. So there is always the chance that he wasn't on that plane."

"I wish that was the case," John said "you're just searching for ways to deny the truth that Sam is truly gone for good."

"Maybe" Dean said swallowing the lump in his throat. "I just think we should look at every option and make sure he is truly gone before we give up on him and declare him dead." Dean's heart hurt so much at the thought that Sam was no longer in this world. Dean wanted to explore every chance that Sam wasn't on that plane. "It wouldn't be that hard to get the passenger manifest" Dean said "that would tell us if Sam was on that plane."

John understood the desperation that Dean was feeling, he felt it too, he wanted nothing more than to know that Sam was still alive. he agreed with Dean, getting a hold of the manifest wouldn't be that hard and it would tell them all that he needed to know. John wondered if he was crazy for even considering it. As a father John could only try one more time to see if his son was indeed still alive. He had one more chance at maybe making things right.

 **Sorry it has taken so long to update! I have been super busy lately. Thanks for reading and reviewing. And here is a snippet of the project that has been keeping me away from this story. It's from my book Titled Don't let go (to be released soon)**

Cayson sat beside his brother's hospital bed, guilt eating at him as he watched the machines breathe for his brother. If Cayson hadn't been so selfish then maybe Camden wouldn't be lying her fighting for his life.

"I'm so sorry Cam. If I hadn't argued with you, maybe this wouldn't have happened." Cayson swallowed hard, tears choking him.

"It should be me in this hospital bed, not you. You have more to live for than I do. I'm worthless, I can't hold down a job for more than a few weeks." Cayson looked away pain eating at his heart. "I'm so, so, sorry Cam!" Sobs ripped out of Cayson, as he leaned forward and lay his head on the bed. The doctors had told Cayson that if Camden lived, he would never walk again. They had told him that Camden was paralyzed from the neck down. Knowing that he had a big hand in his brother's condition made Cayson feel more worthless than ever.

"If you don't make it then I don't want to live" Cayson mumbled against the sheets, as he raised his head and looked at his brother. Camden's eyes were swollen shut, and he had a cast around one arm that had been badly broken. Iv's were stuck in the one arm that wasn't injured. A tube protruded from the base of Camden's throat. The doctor's had also told him, that it wasn't likely that Camden would ever come off of it, if he was to live, he would depend on it for the rest of his days. That killed Cayson, knowing that his brother would never take another breath of air without assistance. All the things that Camden would never do again, flooded Cayson's mind.

"I want you to know" Cayson stood up and spoke softly into Camden's ear "If I could trade places with you I would in a heartbeat."

"Whatever you do, please live" Cayson begged as he sat back down. "It's selfish of me to ask that of you, especially with the way you would have to live the rest of your life but big brother, I need you. I promise I won't be such a loser anymore, I won't be such a screw up." Cayson could no longer hold the tears at bay. He was the world's biggest loser and screw up. He couldn't blame Camden if he didn't want to come back from the place where he was now.

Cayson would give up the drinking and partying and drugs, if only Camden's life wouldn't be so drastically changed.

"Do you always want to be a screw up that can't stay out of trouble? Do you want everyone to think you are a loser?" Camden's voice rung in Cayson's ears. "At some point in time your going to have to grow up, the world will be a better place when you do."

"Cause it's such a good place when you're struggling to make ends meet. You're stressed all the time. If anything, you need to learn to loosen up and have some fun." Cayson had snapped back, ignoring the sting of hurt from Camden's careless tossed words.

Cayson shook his head to clear the memory, that had been a nasty fight between the two brothers. Cayson knew that Camden had been worried about how often he'd been drinking and partying. Cayson hadn't told him that was how he was trying to forget about their situation. Cayson had also been trying to forget that he would never be as good as his outgoing older brother. It was hard living in the shadow of someone like Camden. Camden, who was an accomplished football player, who gave up his football scholarship so he could help his father try and save the farm that they had both grown up on.

Of course after hearing how he wasn't as good as Camden, Cayson had given up on trying to help on the farm, and had started partying and drinking heavily which of course, had caused even more problems for the brother's. Which lead only to Cayson becoming wilder, and for Cayson's wildness Camden was now paying the price.

Cayson sighed and rubbed at his eyes, he was starting to feel exhausted but he was determined to do something right for his brother for once and be there for Camden.

 **Feel free to let me know what you think!**

 **Liz**


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